funny quotes
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funny quotes
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funny quotes
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funny quotes
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First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to unzip your fly. ~Branch Rickey
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Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself. ~Tom Wilson
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Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope. ~Bill Cosby
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Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope. ~Bill Cosby
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A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. ~Robert Frost
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Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ~Elizabeth Stone
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We know we're getting old when the only thing we want for our birthday is not to be reminded of it. ~Author Unknown
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May you live to be a hundred yearsWith one extra year to repent.~Author Unknown
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I don't care how poor a man is; if he has family, he's rich. ~M*A*S*H, Colonel Potter
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I don't care how poor a man is; if he has family, he's rich. ~M*A*S*H, Colonel Potter
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I don't care how poor a man is; if he has family, he's rich. ~M*A*S*H, Colonel Potter
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In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn't have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com
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Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act. ~Truman Capote
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There's something like a line of gold thread running through a man's words when he talks to his daughter, and gradually over the years it gets to be long enough for you to pick up in your hands and weave into a cloth that feels like love itself. ~John Gregory Brown, Decorations in a Ruined Cemetery, 1994
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We know we're getting old when the only thing we want for our birthday is not to be reminded of it. ~Author Unknown
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You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely. ~Ogden Nash
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The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left. ~Jerry M. Wright
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I'm sixty years of age. That's 16 Celsius. ~George Carlin, Brain Droppings, 1997
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Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle. ~Bob Hope
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When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. ~Author unknown, commonly attributed to Mark Twain but no evidence has yet been found for this (Thanks, Garson O'Toole!)
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First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to unzip your fly. ~Branch Rickey
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One father is more than a hundred Schoolemasters. ~George Herbert, Outlandish Proverbs, 1640
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Sherman made the terrible discovery that men make about their fathers sooner or later... that the man before him was not an aging father but a boy, a boy much like himself, a boy who grew up and had a child of his own and, as best he could, out of a sense of duty and, perhaps love, adopted a role called Being a Father so that his child would have something mythical and infinitely important: a Protector, who would keep a lid on all the chaotic and catastrophic possibilities of life. ~Tom Wolfe, The Bonfire of the Vanities
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Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. ~Herbert Asquith
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Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. ~Herbert Asquith
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Youth is a disease from which we all recover. ~Dorothy Fulheim
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Middle age is having a choice between two temptations and choosing the one that'll get you home earlier. ~Dan Bennett
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Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ~Elizabeth Stone
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Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away. ~Dinah Craik
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First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to unzip your fly. ~Branch Rickey
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The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. ~Lucille Ball
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Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician. ~Author Unknown
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May you live to be a hundred yearsWith one extra year to repent.~Author Unknown
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A birthday is just the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun. Enjoy the trip. ~Author Unknown
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It kills you to see them grow up. But I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn't. ~Barbara Kingsolver, Animal Dreams
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When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it. ~Mark Twain
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Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away. ~Dinah Craik
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Dad, you're someone to look up to no matter how tall I've grown. ~Author Unknown
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You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely. ~Ogden Nash
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Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician. ~Author Unknown
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Youth is a disease from which we all recover. ~Dorothy Fulheim
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Dad, your guiding hand on my shoulder will remain with me forever. ~Author Unknown
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Middle age is having a choice between two temptations and choosing the one that'll get you home earlier. ~Dan Bennett
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It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge. ~Phyllis Diller
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When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it. ~Mark Twain
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I don't care how poor a man is; if he has family, he's rich. ~M*A*S*H, Colonel Potter
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A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. ~Robert Frost
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Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair. ~Sam Ewing
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Middle age is the time when a man is always thinking that in a week or two he will feel as good as ever. ~Don Marquis
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I'm sixty years of age. That's 16 Celsius. ~George Carlin, Brain Droppings, 1997
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